Pride Series Part 1: “Too Much and Not Enough” — Growing Up Neurodivergent & LGBTQ+
- NeuroEmpowered Leicester CIC
- Jun 3
- 3 min read
For many people who are both neurodivergent and LGBTQ+, childhood felt like living in the shadows of understanding. Like being handed a script everyone else had memorised — except you couldn’t see your lines.
You’re told who to be, how to act, and what’s “normal.” But what if none of it fits?
🌈Double Difference, Double Masking
Being neurodivergent or LGBTQ+ already comes with challenges — but navigating both can feel like walking a tightrope on two fronts.
Many of us learned to mask our neurodivergent traits:
Mimicking eye contact even when it hurt
Hiding stims under desks or turning them into subtle habits
Laughing at jokes we didn’t understand just to “fit in”
Then came the second mask — the one we wore to hide our gender or sexual identity. Maybe we didn’t even know what we were hiding yet — just that we were “different” and that different wasn’t always safe.
“You’re too sensitive.” “That’s not how girls/boys act.” “You’re being dramatic.” “Grow up.”
And slowly, it sinks in: who you are is "too much". But also "not enough" of what people want you to be.
📚 What the Research Says
Science is finally catching up to what so many of us already knew: there’s a significant overlap between neurodivergence and LGBTQ+ identities.
A 2020 study from the University of Cambridge found that autistic individuals are 7–8 times more likely to identify as LGBTQ+ than non-autistic individuals.
The largest study on gender diversity and autism (The Transmitter, 2022) confirmed a strong link between autism and identifying outside traditional gender norms.
According to The Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ youth with autism are 50% more likely to attempt suicide than their non-autistic LGBTQ+ peers.
That overlap is real. And it’s not something that needs to be fixed — it needs to be understood, supported, and celebrated.
🔍 Delayed Diagnosis, Delayed Belonging
For many people, the realisation they’re neurodivergent comes after coming out as LGBTQ+ — or vice versa. Why?
Because our experiences are so often invalidated. Because we’re so used to questioning ourselves, we don’t know what’s “normal.” Because we assume everyone feels overwhelmed by crowds, uncertain of their identity, or exhausted by basic tasks.
Sometimes, we don’t get diagnosed — we get dismissed.
And so we internalise that we’re just broken.
It’s not unusual for neurodivergent LGBTQ+ adults to reach their 20s, 30s, even 50s before having a name for their experience. And that delay matters — not just for identity, but for safety, mental health, and self-worth.
🧡 Support Systems That See Us
Some of us had affirming families. Many of us didn’t. But so many of us survived because someone — a friend, a partner, a teacher, an online stranger — saw us. Really saw us.
They said:
“You don’t have to keep pretending.” “You’re allowed to rest.” “You’re not broken. You’re brilliant.”
For others, healing came later — in the quiet safety of chosen family, or through finding voices like theirs in books, forums, or spaces like NeuroEmpowered.
That’s why we exist. To be the voice we needed growing up. To remind you that there is nothing wrong with your wiring — the problem is a world not built with you in mind.
💬 What We Wish We’d Known
If you’re reading this now and you’re still figuring it all out, please know:
You don’t have to have all the words yet
You don’t need to fit into any label perfectly
You are not alone
It’s okay if your journey doesn’t look like anyone else’s. It’s yours — and that makes it powerful.
✨ Resources for Your Journey
Explore our free tools on NeuroEmpowered.org, created by neurodivergent individuals with lived experience:
📣 Want to Share Your Story?
If anything in this post resonated with you — we want to hear from you. You can share anonymously or in your own voice. Stories are powerful, and yours matters.
With love💜 - The NeuroEmpowered Team
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