“High-Functioning” Doesn’t Mean Not Struggling
- NeuroEmpowered Leicester CIC
- Jul 28
- 3 min read
Why this label can hurt more than help – and how to talk about it differently
When people hear the words “high-functioning”, they often mean it as a compliment. “You seem fine,” “You’re doing so well,” or “You’re not like the others.” But for many neurodivergent and disabled people, being labelled high-functioning doesn’t feel like praise—it feels like pressure. It dismisses the very real challenges we face and places the burden of appearing “okay” above getting the support we actually need.
🎭 Behind the Mask
Many of us have learned to mask our difficulties. We might be articulate, show up to work or school, laugh at the right times, and keep up with conversations. But what you don’t see is the exhaustion after a single social interaction, the days spent recovering from sensory overload, or the mental gymnastics it takes to navigate a world not built for our brains or bodies.
Being labelled high-functioning often means that our needs are overlooked. We’re “doing too well” to qualify for support, but “too different” to be comfortable without it. It’s a lonely place to be.
“You’re coping so well!” Maybe—but only because I have to. Not because it’s easy.
🧠 “Functioning” Is Not a Linear Scale
The term high-functioning suggests that people exist on a neat ladder of ability. But the reality is far messier. Our capacity can vary hour to hour, day to day, task to task.
Someone might be able to lead a meeting but melt down after shopping in a noisy supermarket. We might be able to write clearly but struggle to process spoken instructions. We might manage well in one area and completely unravel in another.
“Functioning” doesn’t tell the whole story. It hides nuance, complexity, and fluctuation—and replaces it with an oversimplified label that doesn’t fit.
🚨 Why It’s a Problem
Calling someone high-functioning can:
Dismiss hidden struggles and invalidate their experience.
Make it harder for them to access support or accommodations.
Increase pressure to perform wellness at all costs.
Reinforce harmful comparisons within the neurodivergent community.
Even well-meaning professionals can fall into this trap—praising someone’s strengths without understanding the toll it takes to appear “fine.”
💬 What to Say Instead
If you want to acknowledge someone’s strengths while also holding space for their challenges, here are some alternative phrases:
“I appreciate how much effort this takes for you.”
“You express yourself really clearly—would it help to talk about what’s going on behind the scenes?”
“Is there anything you’re finding harder than people realise?”
“You’re doing your best. You shouldn’t have to prove your struggles to be taken seriously.”
It’s okay to be doing well and need support. These things aren’t opposites.
🌱 Gently Challenging the Term
If someone calls you or someone else high-functioning, and it feels uncomfortable, here are some gentle ways to respond:
“I know it might look like I’m coping, but it’s a lot harder than it seems.”
“That term doesn’t quite capture my experience—some things are still really tough for me.”
“I prefer not to use labels like high- or low-functioning. Everyone has different support needs.”
“Thanks for noticing I’m managing right now—it’s taken a lot of work behind the scenes.”
It’s not always easy to challenge these phrases, especially when you don’t want to seem ungrateful. But language shapes how people treat us—and we deserve language that reflects the truth of our lives.
❤️ What We Actually Need
Many of us don’t want praise for passing. We want acceptance when we don’t.
We want:
To be believed without having to “look” like we’re struggling.
Flexibility and adjustments without judgement.
A culture that recognises invisible effort and doesn’t use competence as a reason to withdraw care.
Whether you’re masking to get through the day or advocating for yourself while feeling misunderstood—you’re not alone. And you don’t have to earn the right to support by appearing broken or burned out.
We need to move beyond functioning labels—and towards a world where everyone’s needs are seen, respected, and met. With care - The NeuroEmpowered Team
Comments