When “Just ask for help” Isn’t That Simple

The words "It's okay to ask for help" on a purple background with NE logo and an outstretched hand

We’ve all heard it before. A friend, family member, colleague, or even a professional says:

"If you’re struggling, just ask for help."

It sounds supportive, even empowering — but for many neurodivergent people, the reality is much more complicated.

We might worry about:

• Being a burden 💭

• Not explaining our needs “well enough” 🗣️

• People saying no (or worse… saying yes but resenting it) 😔

And if you also live with chronic illness, pain, or mental health conditions, you might have learned to push through way past your limits before admitting you need support.

🚫Why It’s Not Always Easy to Ask

For neurodivergent people, asking for help can trigger a tangle of emotions and practical challenges. Some of the most common include:

• Masking & past invalidation – Years of being told “you’re fine” or “you’re overreacting” can make reaching out feel unsafe.

• Communication barriers – Explaining needs can be exhausting, especially if processing speed, brain fog, or selective mutism get in the way.

• Fear of being a burden – Many of us worry that our needs will be “too much” for others to handle, especially when juggling both neurodivergence and chronic health conditions.

• Past rejection or misunderstanding – Asking before and being met with dismissal can make you hesitant to try again.

These factors aren’t about being stubborn — they’re about navigating a world that often hasn’t made space for our needs.

💜The Hidden Work Before the Ask

For some, “just asking” for help means:

• Identifying what’s wrong in the first place (which isn’t always obvious when sensory overwhelm or mental fatigue blur the picture).

• Translating internal experiences into words another person will understand.

• Assessing risk — Will they believe me? Will they think less of me? Will I lose opportunities if I’m honest?

• Deciding timing — Can I manage until a “better” moment? Will now be safe?

By the time we’ve gone through all that, the moment to ask might have passed — or the energy to do it might have run out.

💆‍♀️What Helps Instead of “Just Ask”

If you want to support someone who finds it difficult to ask for help:

• Offer before it’s needed – Phrases like “If you need anything, even if it’s small, I’d like to help” remove pressure.

• Be specific – Instead of “let me know if you need anything,” try “I can drop off food, send you some useful links, or sit with you while you make that phone call.”

• Respect boundaries – Sometimes we’re not ready to talk — that doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate knowing help is there.

• Make it safe to ask more than once – A “no” one day shouldn’t close the door for future support.

  
  

💡If You’re the One Struggling to Ask

You might find it easier to:

• Create a “Help Plan” – Write down what support you’d accept, from who, and how you’d like to be approached.

• Use scripts or templates – Having the words ready can make asking less overwhelming.

• Start small – Ask for help with something low-stakes, like carrying something heavy or finding an item in a shop.

• Be specific – People respond better when they know exactly what’s needed. Instead of “Can you help me?”, try “Could you pick me up some milk when you go to the shop?”

• Use your strengths – If verbal requests feel awkward, write a message, send a voice note, or use a prepared script.

• Give context if you can – Sometimes saying, “I’ve been having a high pain day” or “I’m feeling really overwhelmed” helps others understand it’s not a random ask.

  
  

Asking for Help in Our Community 🌍

One of the things we try to model at NeuroEmpowered is that nobody should have to do it alone. We’ve built our resources and peer support with this in mind — to make it easier for people to say “I can’t do this by myself” without shame.

It’s okay to need help. It’s okay to ask for it. And it’s okay to keep practising until it feels a little less scary. 💜

You can find all of our resources for free here.