“I Don’t Know How to Explain It” – When Communication Barriers Cause Disconnect

Communication passport with a unicorn on the front, and two speech bubbles that say 'I process information slowly' and 'I often need repetition'

Sometimes, the hardest part of being neurodivergent isn’t how we feel — it’s trying to explain it.

We’re often told: “But you speak so well.” “You’re really articulate, you can’t struggle with communication.”

But communication challenges aren’t just about speech. Being verbal doesn’t mean you're always understood — or that you can always express what really matters. In fact, for many neurodivergent people, communication breakdowns are one of the most painful and invisible sources of stress.

💬 It’s not that we don’t want to communicate

It’s that:

We shut down when overwhelmed or emotionally flooded
Our brains process information slowly, or get stuck mid-thought
We can’t always translate emotions into words — especially in real time
We echo others’ opinions because we’re masking or trying to avoid conflict
We try to be “polite” but end up hiding how much we’re struggling
We feel like we’re speaking a different language from those around us

And even when we do manage to speak clearly, we’re often told we’re being too blunt, too literal, too cold — or that we’re “overreacting” or “too sensitive.” It creates a painful cycle: speak honestly and risk being misunderstood… or stay silent and carry the weight alone.

🗣️ “I don’t know how to explain it” becomes a survival phrase. One filled with frustration, fear, and exhaustion.

🧠 Processing differences are part of communication

Communication isn’t just about talking. It’s about understanding, interpreting, and responding — and neurodivergent people often experience these steps differently.

You might:

Need more time to understand verbal instructions
Miss implied meanings or subtle social cues
Feel confused by vague questions like “How are you?”
Forget what someone just said, even if you were listening intently
Struggle to speak up in a group but be fine in writing or one-to-one
Get overwhelmed by fast, emotionally charged conversations

This isn’t because you’re not trying hard enough — it’s because your brain has a different processing rhythm. Unfortunately, the world rarely waits for that.

🤐 Communication struggles often go unseen

Because many neurodivergent people can speak, or seem capable in certain contexts, our communication needs are often overlooked — especially when we’re masking.

But the signs are there:

Nodding or agreeing to things we don’t actually understand
Withdrawing or going quiet when overwhelmed
Saying “I’m fine” instead of “I don’t know how to tell you I’m not”
Going along with things out of fear of being seen as difficult
Being misunderstood over and over, even by people who care

These aren’t “mild” issues. They affect access to education, healthcare, employment, and relationships. And they can leave neurodivergent people feeling isolated — even when they’re not alone.

⚠️ Why this matters

Struggles with communication can make neurodivergent people more vulnerable to:

Poor treatment in medical settings, if they can’t express symptoms clearly
Not getting the support they need at school, work, or in care planning
Exploitation or manipulation, especially when masking is strong
Being dismissed as rude, lazy, or dishonest
Emotional burnout, from constantly trying to “translate” ourselves

These are real risks — and yet they’re rarely talked about. That’s why we’re so passionate about making space for this conversation.

🧾 What can help: Communication Passports

One tool we recommend (and use ourselves) is a Communication Passport — a simple, person-centred document that outlines how you communicate, what you struggle with, and how others can support you.

It can include:

Preferred ways to receive information
What to do if you shut down
How anxiety or sensory issues affect your communication
Key signs you’re overwhelmed
Reasonable adjustments that help
Specific things you wish people knew about how you process or express things

At NeuroEmpowered, we’ve created a free Communication Passport template, so anyone — with or without professional support — can begin to put their needs into words, on their terms.

You can find it here:👉 How to Create a Communication Passport

It is possible to create one with an occupational therapist — but even if you’re not working with a professional right now, this guide will walk you through the steps.

🦄 My Communication Passport (Unicorns Included)

To show you what a communication passport can look like, I’ve shared a version of mine below — with some personal bits removed for privacy. What you’ll see is just one example of how a passport can be tailored to reflect you — your personality, needs, and preferences.

Mine has unicorns on it (of course) — because visual comfort matters too. It’s not just about function, it’s about feeling safe and seen when you hand it to someone.

📝 Here’s a sample of what mine includes:

I sometimes process information slowly — please don’t overload me
I may shut down if I’m overwhelmed; give me space and time to come back
I often say what I think people want to hear when anxious — don’t take that as consent
If I’m nodding a lot or going quiet, I may be struggling to process
I prefer written communication wherever possible
My emotions can be hard to explain — they’re often physical sensations
I find it easier to communicate feelings through writing them down

You can include as little or as much as you want. Your passport is yours. It doesn’t have to be perfect — it just has to feel honest and helpful to you.

💡 You can start with our free template and adapt it however you like. Add colours, doodles, bullet points, plain text, pictures of things you like — whatever reflects you.

📁 Find it here: How to Create a Communication Passport

💡 Final thoughts

If you’ve ever felt like the words won’t come out right — or that nobody’s really hearing you — we see you.

If you’ve ever said “I don’t know how to explain it,” and meant it with your whole body — we get it.

Communication is a two-way process. It shouldn’t fall solely on the neurodivergent person to fit the mould. We need environments that give space, allow pauses, welcome clarity, and understand difference.

You don’t have to be less of yourself to be heard. You don’t have to change how your brain works to be understood.

✨ Your voice matters — even if it takes time, or silence, or a few extra words to come through. We’re listening.