Expressing Discomfort with Physical Contact

Recognise Your Feelings

Before speaking to someone, it’s important to understand your own feelings. Reflect on why physical contact makes you uncomfortable—whether it’s due to sensory sensitivities, anxiety, or personal preferences.

• Take a moment to breathe and ground yourself before addressing the situation. This can help reduce anxiety and prepare you to express yourself clearly.

• Understand that your feelings are valid and important. It's okay to set boundaries.

Choose the Right Time and Place

It’s important to talk to the person when you feel calm and when they can listen to you.

• Pick a private, calm setting where the person can focus on your words without distractions. This will make the conversation more comfortable for both of you.

• Avoid doing it in the heat of the moment (such as immediately after an uncomfortable touch). Giving yourself time to cool off helps you explain your feelings more calmly.

Use "I" Statements to Express Yourself

When you explain your discomfort, use “I” statements to communicate how you feel, rather than focusing on the other person’s actions. This reduces the chances of making them feel blamed or defensive.

• Example: "I feel uncomfortable with physical contact" instead of "You make me uncomfortable when you touch me."

• This way, you are expressing your own feelings and not accusing them of something.

Be Honest, But Gentle

Let the person know why you feel the way you do, but try to do so without over-explaining or apologising too much.

• Example: "I have sensory sensitivities and sometimes physical contact can feel overwhelming for me."

• You don’t need to go into too much detail unless you feel comfortable doing so. Simply expressing that it's a personal preference can be enough.

Acknowledge Their Feelings

The person may feel surprised or concerned. Acknowledge their feelings by showing empathy.

• Example: "I know that may seem strange, and I really appreciate you understanding."

• This shows you care about their feelings as well, making the conversation feel more mutual.

Offer Alternatives

If you’re comfortable, suggest ways you’d prefer to interact that feel safer or more comfortable for you.

• Example: "I’d prefer a handshake or a wave instead of a hug." or "I’d like to keep some space, but I’m still happy to talk with you."

• Offering a solution gives the person a clear understanding of how they can respect your boundaries while still engaging with you.

Be Prepared for Their Reaction

The person may need time to process what you’ve said, and that’s okay. They might ask questions, seem confused, or express that they’re sorry.

• Example: "It’s okay, I understand it might be unexpected. I just wanted to let you know how I feel."

• If they seem apologetic, reassure them that you’re not upset with them, just explaining your preferences.

Respect Their Response

The person may feel hurt, confused, or surprised, but they should still respect your boundaries. If they are understanding, thank them for respecting your needs.

• If they need time to adjust, that's normal. They may not immediately understand, but showing appreciation for their effort can help smooth things over.

Follow Up If Necessary

If physical contact happens again and it still feels uncomfortable, it's okay to gently remind the person of your preferences.

• Example: "I just wanted to remind you that I prefer to avoid physical contact, but I really appreciate your understanding."

Take Care of Yourself

After the conversation, take time to relax and de-stress if you need to. It can be emotionally taxing to set boundaries, but it’s a vital skill for self-care.

• Example: Do something comforting for yourself, like listening to music, using calming sensory tools, or taking a break in a quiet space.

Final Thoughts

Telling someone that you feel uncomfortable with physical contact doesn’t have to be difficult, and it doesn’t have to offend them if you approach the conversation with kindness and clarity. By using "I" statements, acknowledging their feelings, offering alternatives, and staying calm, you can communicate your boundaries in a way that respects both your needs and theirs.